July 22, 2024
The Unspoken Grief Associated with the Grieving Process
Welcome to another powerful episode of The Essential Discourse Podcast. I’m your host, Bruce Smith, and today, we're tackling a topic that's often overlooked but deeply impactful: the grief associated with grieving. In this episode, we're going beyond the conventional understanding of grief to explore the additional layers of frustration, annoyance, and even anger that can complicate the mourning process. This is a topic that is crucial for all of us to understand and manage.
Have you ever felt overwhelmed, not just by the sorrow of losing a loved one, but by the chaos left in their wake? This episode dives into what I call "annoyance grief" — the trouble and burden that arises from a loved one not having their affairs in order. We’ll discuss how the lack of preparation, such as not having life insurance, a will, or final instructions, can place an unbearable load on those left behind.
As someone who has personally grappled with this, I’ll share my experiences and insights. We'll look at how these irresponsible actions can transform grief into anger, resentment, and even physical stress, affecting both our mental and physical health. The episode will also emphasize the crucial steps you can take — like securing life insurance and drafting a will — to alleviate this additional grief and allow your loved ones to focus on the emotional aspect of your loss.
Join us as we confront these hard truths and inspire each other to take responsible action for the sake of our families and loved ones. It's a tough conversation but an essential one. So, grab a seat, get comfortable, and let's get into it. This is The Essential Discourse Podcast, and today's episode is about navigating the additional layers of grief. Stay tuned for a conversation that can elevate your perspective and maybe even change your life.
For your convenience, the Essential Discourse Podcast is available on your favorite streaming apps including Apple Podcast, Spotify, iHeart, and online at https://www.edpshow.com/.
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Sincerely,
Bruce S.
bruce@edpshow.com
@BruceDaTruth2 [Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok]
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Chapters
00:00 - Grief-an attempt, Responsibility, and Accountability
04:50 - Plan for Death to Ease Loved Ones' Burden.
08:34 - While Living Today, Prepare for an Uncertain Tomorrow
12:40 - Coping with Grief -Is There Any Help
15:58 - Avoiding Responsibility
18:26 - There are Debts What About An Inheritance
21:21 - Prioritize Allowing Your Loved Ones' Grieving By Being Responsible
25:10 - Final Remarks and Outro
Transcript
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00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:07.378
This episode of the essential discourse podcast begins in 3, 2, 1.
00:00:07.519 --> 00:00:08.835
So excited.
00:00:16.493 --> 00:00:35.414
It's time. Hey. Hey. This is Bruce Smith. I'm your host. Let's get into it. Today we're talking about a subject that not too many of us really have meaningful conversations about. And the topic for today's episode is the grief associated with grieving.
00:00:36.500 --> 00:00:40.119
And I know you're saying, that's an odd subject to talk about.
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Let me preference getting into this conversation with everything that I talk about on my podcast is a direct reflection of the experiences that I've had, and this is no different. What is this this particular type of grief that we're talking about? Well, grief from the standpoint of the dictionary translation is deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.
00:01:11.525 --> 00:01:18.980
Now I want you to go down to that that that informal version, and it says trouble or annoyance.
00:01:19.840 --> 00:03:58.004
Trouble or annoyance. And that is where I have been over the last couple of weeks, nearly a month. I've just been annoyed. I've been annoyed, to the point of being frustrated and it leads to anger. And it's all avoidable. This these emotions that I've experienced, that I I am still currently dealing with, they could have been avoided. They could have been avoided if my loved one had lived their lives in a responsible manner. What do I mean by that? Well, if you had paid your bills, if you had made any kind of plans for your transition, if you had taken the opportunity to ensure that you had life insurance, if you had taken the opportunity to ensure that you delivered final instructions to your next again, the person who was going to be responsible for handling your business in your absence All this stuff could have been avoided. And I know that I am not the only person in America, in the world, to have experienced this type of grief. This annoyance, this frustration, this anger. And what actually ends up happening as a result of this is that the people who are left to deal with your irresponsible actions, right, they don't get to properly grieve you. They don't they don't they don't get an opportunity to, you know, reflect on the memories that you had together. They don't get an opportunity to put into perspective that this person that I love, this person that had an impact on my life, this person whom I could call and talk to and share funny jokes with, funny text messages, memes, and gifts, and all this other stuff. Talk about sports and and and ride each other and and have these these little banner conversations with or even physically embrace. It's no longer here, and I don't get to properly put that into its right context and into its right place because I'm dealing with the grief of taking care of your responsibilities that you could not because you would not take care of yourself.
00:03:58.465 --> 00:04:39.550
This is the grief associated with grieving that I'm talking about right now. You know, there's no area in life where you can escape responsibility and accountability. And it shows up tragically, how a person lived their lives at their transition. You know, when they transition from this earth, it shows what kind of a person this this individual was in regards to the level of accountability and and and responsibility that they operated on, especially if they have kids, you know.
00:04:39.769 --> 00:04:50.214
You have kids, you have property, you have all this stuff that you say you love but you won't take the time to plan for what's inevitable.
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Everyone born will die. There's no escaping that. The only the only unknowns about it is how and when. And it really doesn't matter, how or when as long as you have taken the opportunity to plan for it. I don't understand how people can die, live 40, 50, 60, 70 years and can die without any type of life insurance. And then you leave your loved ones having to foot the cost of trying to bury you, trying to take care of the business that you would not take care of, trying to figure out, okay, is the family home? Is that gonna be ours or, you know, is it gonna go into foreclosure because they hadn't paid the property tax? You know? The car. You know? Is the car up to date? Is is is the financial company is gonna be coming and try to repo this? Am I are they gonna be asking me as the executor of the estate to come off come off of 15,000, 10,000, 5,000? However much it is to take care of your responsibility that you would not take care of when you were living, and that is grief on top of the grieving process. And that is not a healthy place to be in. I'm telling you from experience, that is not a healthy place to be in physically or mentally or spiritually. It is not a good place to be in. And as people who are walking this earth right now, we owe it to the people we say we love to do better. Okay. I don't have any health insurance. Health insurance is too high. Got it. I understand it. But there is no reason for you not to have life insurance.
00:06:43.954 --> 00:06:46.535
There's no reason for you not to have burial insurance.
00:06:47.769 --> 00:07:15.064
There's no reason for you not to have a will completed and filed. There's there's no reason for that to even be a possibility because if you love me, you would do everything in your power to ensure that I don't have grief added on top of the grieving process. I'm already missing you. There's there's a there's a emptiness associated with your physical departure.
00:07:15.605 --> 00:07:39.459
I'm already having to deal with the emotional side of that, but I can't deal with that when I've got creditors and and and and financial matters that are sitting before me that I didn't have anything to do with, but because you are my next kin. You are my loved one. I've got to deal with this and there are children involved most of the time.
00:07:39.459 --> 00:08:55.095
I don't understand how an educated nation such as ourselves will not do the responsible thing in regards to the inevitable, we are all going to die. And it's not fair for you and I to leave the burden of trying to figure out what's this, what's that, how did this, what is that, to the people who you leave behind. The people you say you love. That we did a episode on insurance a while back. There was some great information on that and not too many people tuned in to that episode. We got people, young people, young people who are out here just living. Living as if there is a tomorrow. You know, you know you hear YOLO, you only live once? No. They're out here living as if they know that they're gonna have a tomorrow. Can I can I share something with you? Tomorrow never comes. It's always today. And today and today could possibly be your last day. Now are you ready?
00:08:56.115 --> 00:09:32.975
Have you made preparations to ensure that, you know, everything is in order? There should be no questions about this, that, or the other, and to allow your your loved ones to properly grieve your physical departure. That is a rough, rough thing to deal with. And and what that ends up causing, man, is that you you get these feelings of anger. You're mad at this person. You can't talk to this person because they're not here, you can't you can't chastise them because they're not here and you're just angry.
00:09:33.754 --> 00:09:44.674
So where does that anger go? Where does that anger go? Well, that anger bleeds out onto other people or worse, you've internalized that anger and you end up getting high blood pressure.
00:09:44.975 --> 00:10:18.245
You cause yourself to be at a high risk for stroke and you start losing your hair. You just stress stress and it just it just kills you slowly. You get anxiety because now I gotta get this done. I gotta get this done. I gotta get this done, I gotta get this done. And you don't even have a starting point to how to get things done because half of the stuff you don't even know about. It just keeps coming up. It just keeps coming up day after day, week after week, month after month. It just keeps coming up. Now I'm angry.
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I've got anxiety and now I'm starting to resent you.
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Now you're not here. You know, as the deceased person, you're not here and it is a horrible thing. It is a horrible thing for you to leave grief on top of the grieving process that causes your loved ones to resent you in your absence. It is a horrible it is a horrible commentary. It is a sad commentary for individuals who love you. You made an impact in their lives. To go through all this because you wouldn't be responsible or accountable for your your debts, your your life. You would not be responsible or accountable and now your loved ones resent you. And they're not they're not they're not going to be able to grieve properly. Because there's so much stuff added to the grieving process by your inactions.
00:11:19.129 --> 00:11:41.240
And I know this is hard. This is hard to hear. Nobody likes to talk about death. Nobody likes to talk about death. But can I can I share something with you? You can't live properly until you're ready to depart. And that means having your wheel together. That means having an insurance policy. Say, if you got a house that's worth $250,000, you you should not have an insurance policy that's less than that much.
00:11:42.914 --> 00:12:00.705
And if you got debts, well, you should add the total sum of debts to that insurance policy so that your family ain't got to go out here and buy fry fish and cook chicken and have cookouts just to take care of your debt, your responsibilities.
00:12:02.605 --> 00:12:28.710
That ain't right. And for so long in my community, I can't speak to nobody else's community because I'm not a part of anybody else's community, but in my community, for so long this has been the status quo and then and then we're not even talking about, you know, the strain that it caused between the family members who are left because, heck, man.
00:12:28.929 --> 00:12:39.715
We all got them in our family. I didn't make that debt. I ain't contributing nothing to it. You know, we get we we all got family members like that and they're not wrong. They're not wrong.
00:12:40.198 --> 00:13:23.495
No. You would like for them to help but they're not obligated to do that. And then, when you got fallen out And now, the family is separated because of the grief associated with the grieving process by your inactions, by your by your unwillingness to be accountable. That is a man, that is a that is a rough spot to be in. That is a rough, rough spot to be in. So how do you deal with it? How do you deal with it? How do you deal with having? How do you have how do you deal with having that that that kind of grief on your shoulders? How do you deal with it?
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Do you internalize it? Do you, you know, do you just, you know, just like the good soldier, you continue to push forward, push forward, push forward, and and try to try to do it on your own, or do you you ask for help, You start a GoFundMe. You know, all this stuff, man. How do you how do you deal with it? Did you pray and just hope that God fixes it? Do you do you do you speak to family and say, look man, we gotta do something. And and and do you guys come together? You know, I submit that there's a combination of all those things that happen.
00:14:01.144 --> 00:14:22.559
But what we don't do is we don't talk about it. What we don't do is share our experiences with others before they get to that point and give them an opportunity to know that, hey, man. I don't want to have to deal with the grief on top of having to grieve for you. Do what you gotta do to make sure that we'll do what you want us to do.
00:14:22.860 --> 00:14:49.264
You understand? I shouldn't have to I shouldn't have to, you know, come out of my to to to adjust my budget to try to keep something that's tangible to to to remember you by. You know, I shouldn't have to come out of my budget. I shouldn't have to I shouldn't have to take on a financial debt so I can have something that is that was tangible of yours so that I can remember you by. I shouldn't have to do that.
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You should have already made preparations to cover all of that prior to your departure. And, let's face it, man. The younger you are, the cheaper the insurance is. So, that's no excuse.
00:15:01.448 --> 00:15:31.809
Okay. If you're sick and you've got, you've got pre existing conditions, well, there's something called the Affordable Care Act that a lot of people qualify for, but but don't even take the initiative to see what's available. And you just live your life as if there are no consequences, there are no repercussions, there's there's no one who's going to be affected by you being irresponsible. And that's sad.
00:15:34.028 --> 00:16:19.625
That is sad. That is not only sad, it's selfish. Let's just let's call it what it is. It's selfish. It's selfish for you to just live as if, you know, you've got you've got the eternity. You've got until the earth ceases to be to be on this place and that what you do only affects you. That's not true. That's not true and you know that not to be true. Yet and still, you refuse to be accountable, to be responsible, to lessen the burden on your family members. And then, you know, you you you have some people who go to the church, you know.
00:16:20.485 --> 00:16:22.424
You know, this, this, that, and the other.
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Bobby Joe, he didn't have no life insurance. Bobby Joe didn't have no burial insurance. We don't even know, how long this is gonna happen and and this. How how we gonna do this? The same church that many of us ridicule and and and say all kind of nasty things about is where we end up going to try to lessen this grief that's left upon us when all that could have been avoided had the individual just been what? Say it with me.
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Responsible and accountable.
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Listen, guys. I'm not telling you something that I don't know. I've experienced this. And it is enough to make you just wanna scream and and holler. But what I found out is that, you know, internalizing this stuff is not good for you. It makes you sick. It it it makes you at high risk for health conditions.
00:17:25.295 --> 00:17:43.815
And I I understand why we don't wanna talk about this stuff. I understand why we don't wanna have these conversations public because it it puts the deceased in a dead in a bad light. It puts them in a bad light. It it it's somehow some way we believe that this tarnishes their reputation.
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That's that's pretty much what it is, you know. We don't wanna speak ill of a person who's not here to defend themselves. Well, they had a whole lifetime to keep us from having those conversations. And this is something that has been going on since I've been alive.
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I've been alive since the seventies. I ain't gonna tell y'all 70 what, but I've been alive since the seventies. And I've seen this happen over and over and over and over again. And people will say, hey. If you need me, call me.
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Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Because after they put your body into that ground the phone stops ringing. The phone stops ringing. The text messages stop coming. You know, the only people calling you are those creditors. The only people calling you are the people who want their money and the people who are trying to take what this person, you know, lived to build away from those who are supposed to have this inheritance. And let's just face it, many of us don't have access resources at our disposal, at our fingertips. We don't have it. They didn't have it before they transitioned.
00:19:03.420 --> 00:20:02.615
So why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you as a sound mind, intelligent individual, go ahead and prepare for the inevitability of death. I just don't understand why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you prepare for the inevitability of death? Because it's coming. It will show up and you don't want your people, your loved ones to be out here stressed, angry, anxious to the point that they develop resentment towards you as the deceased. So what's the what's what's what's the solution man? You didn't told us what what it is. You didn't told us what's the cause. What's the solution? Easy. It's a easy solution.
00:20:02.835 --> 00:20:05.769
Everybody can do it. Be responsible.
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Be accountable. Get some insurance.
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Get some insurance. Name your beneficiaries and keep it updated.
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Get a will, a completed will, a will that's filed, a trust that's filed. Do that. Do that. Those two things right there will alleviate much of the grief. Insurance, a will, and or trust.
00:20:35.015 --> 00:20:53.224
Those two things right there those two things right there will eliminate much of the grief that's associated with the grieving process by irresponsible and unaccountable people when they were living. That's it. That's it.
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And that way, your loved ones can properly grieve. They can think about, you know, the good times. They can think about how do I reconcile not being able to physically speak, touch this person. They can they can they can properly grieve without all that other stuff that's added on top of that.
00:21:21.704 --> 00:21:28.960
The grieving process is the priority when you are accountable and you are responsible.
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I know this is a tough conversation. Man, I don't expect too many downloads. I don't expect too many comments about this, but this is to continue to walk around here irresponsibly, to continue to walk around here irresponsibly, living as if we know that there's a tomorrow, especially when we have children, when we have wives and husbands, when we have other loved ones, when we have real property. This will prevent a lot of the discord, a lot of the ill feelings, a lot of the fallen out potentials amongst family members, amongst peers. If you write it out in a wheel and in a trust and you have the insurance to cover all your debts and you leave specific instructions what is to happen with this, It's easy. It's easy.
00:22:32.154 --> 00:22:34.815
We can then grieve you.
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You, the entire person properly instead of having grief about the way you lived, which is irresponsible and unaccountable.
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This has been the in such a discourse podcast. You can see us on, Facebook, IG, TikTok, and YouTube. We encourage you to visit ww.edpshow.com to become a community member and to follow all things essential discourse podcast. I wanna thank you, for your continued support. Hopefully, this was enlightening. This was confrontational. This was inspiring, to those of us who have heard this. Hopefully, those of us who have gone through this type of ordeal, you know that you're not alone. And hopefully, we will be bold enough and courageous enough to have these conversations with our family members, with those who we love.
00:23:45.420 --> 00:24:08.355
And if we have not gotten our wheels together, we had not made sure that the insurance is adequate and that we have the proper beneficiaries on these policies identified, hopefully, we've been inspired inspired to do those things today. Again, I'm Bruce Smith. I thank you for listening to the Essential Discourse Podcast. Man, I love you.
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God loves you more. Have a great day.
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This concludes this episode of Essential Discourse with Bruce Smith. We hope that your perspective has been elevated, that you have been edified, equipped and encouraged as a result of listening today. If you found value in this episode, please recommend this podcast to your friends, families, associates, and colleagues. You can accomplish this by linking the podcast or podcast episode to your personal social media page. Your feedback and questions are welcomed.
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Until next time. Remember, it's okay to extend yourself a measure of grace. We learn to grow. We grow to mature. We mature to be perfected. Thanks again for listening to Essential Discourse with Bruce Smith.
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:07.378
This episode of the essential discourse podcast begins in 3, 2, 1.
00:00:07.519 --> 00:00:08.835
So excited.
00:00:16.493 --> 00:00:35.414
It's time. Hey. Hey. This is Bruce Smith. I'm your host. Let's get into it. Today we're talking about a subject that not too many of us really have meaningful conversations about. And the topic for today's episode is the grief associated with grieving.
00:00:36.500 --> 00:00:40.119
And I know you're saying, that's an odd subject to talk about.
00:00:40.500 --> 00:01:11.385
Let me preference getting into this conversation with everything that I talk about on my podcast is a direct reflection of the experiences that I've had, and this is no different. What is this this particular type of grief that we're talking about? Well, grief from the standpoint of the dictionary translation is deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.
00:01:11.525 --> 00:01:18.980
Now I want you to go down to that that that informal version, and it says trouble or annoyance.
00:01:19.840 --> 00:03:58.004
Trouble or annoyance. And that is where I have been over the last couple of weeks, nearly a month. I've just been annoyed. I've been annoyed, to the point of being frustrated and it leads to anger. And it's all avoidable. This these emotions that I've experienced, that I I am still currently dealing with, they could have been avoided. They could have been avoided if my loved one had lived their lives in a responsible manner. What do I mean by that? Well, if you had paid your bills, if you had made any kind of plans for your transition, if you had taken the opportunity to ensure that you had life insurance, if you had taken the opportunity to ensure that you delivered final instructions to your next again, the person who was going to be responsible for handling your business in your absence All this stuff could have been avoided. And I know that I am not the only person in America, in the world, to have experienced this type of grief. This annoyance, this frustration, this anger. And what actually ends up happening as a result of this is that the people who are left to deal with your irresponsible actions, right, they don't get to properly grieve you. They don't they don't they don't get an opportunity to, you know, reflect on the memories that you had together. They don't get an opportunity to put into perspective that this person that I love, this person that had an impact on my life, this person whom I could call and talk to and share funny jokes with, funny text messages, memes, and gifts, and all this other stuff. Talk about sports and and and ride each other and and have these these little banner conversations with or even physically embrace. It's no longer here, and I don't get to properly put that into its right context and into its right place because I'm dealing with the grief of taking care of your responsibilities that you could not because you would not take care of yourself.
00:03:58.465 --> 00:04:39.550
This is the grief associated with grieving that I'm talking about right now. You know, there's no area in life where you can escape responsibility and accountability. And it shows up tragically, how a person lived their lives at their transition. You know, when they transition from this earth, it shows what kind of a person this this individual was in regards to the level of accountability and and and responsibility that they operated on, especially if they have kids, you know.
00:04:39.769 --> 00:04:50.214
You have kids, you have property, you have all this stuff that you say you love but you won't take the time to plan for what's inevitable.
00:04:50.978 --> 00:06:43.415
Everyone born will die. There's no escaping that. The only the only unknowns about it is how and when. And it really doesn't matter, how or when as long as you have taken the opportunity to plan for it. I don't understand how people can die, live 40, 50, 60, 70 years and can die without any type of life insurance. And then you leave your loved ones having to foot the cost of trying to bury you, trying to take care of the business that you would not take care of, trying to figure out, okay, is the family home? Is that gonna be ours or, you know, is it gonna go into foreclosure because they hadn't paid the property tax? You know? The car. You know? Is the car up to date? Is is is the financial company is gonna be coming and try to repo this? Am I are they gonna be asking me as the executor of the estate to come off come off of 15,000, 10,000, 5,000? However much it is to take care of your responsibility that you would not take care of when you were living, and that is grief on top of the grieving process. And that is not a healthy place to be in. I'm telling you from experience, that is not a healthy place to be in physically or mentally or spiritually. It is not a good place to be in. And as people who are walking this earth right now, we owe it to the people we say we love to do better. Okay. I don't have any health insurance. Health insurance is too high. Got it. I understand it. But there is no reason for you not to have life insurance.
00:06:43.954 --> 00:06:46.535
There's no reason for you not to have burial insurance.
00:06:47.769 --> 00:07:15.064
There's no reason for you not to have a will completed and filed. There's there's no reason for that to even be a possibility because if you love me, you would do everything in your power to ensure that I don't have grief added on top of the grieving process. I'm already missing you. There's there's a there's a emptiness associated with your physical departure.
00:07:15.605 --> 00:07:39.459
I'm already having to deal with the emotional side of that, but I can't deal with that when I've got creditors and and and and financial matters that are sitting before me that I didn't have anything to do with, but because you are my next kin. You are my loved one. I've got to deal with this and there are children involved most of the time.
00:07:39.459 --> 00:08:55.095
I don't understand how an educated nation such as ourselves will not do the responsible thing in regards to the inevitable, we are all going to die. And it's not fair for you and I to leave the burden of trying to figure out what's this, what's that, how did this, what is that, to the people who you leave behind. The people you say you love. That we did a episode on insurance a while back. There was some great information on that and not too many people tuned in to that episode. We got people, young people, young people who are out here just living. Living as if there is a tomorrow. You know, you know you hear YOLO, you only live once? No. They're out here living as if they know that they're gonna have a tomorrow. Can I can I share something with you? Tomorrow never comes. It's always today. And today and today could possibly be your last day. Now are you ready?
00:08:56.115 --> 00:09:32.975
Have you made preparations to ensure that, you know, everything is in order? There should be no questions about this, that, or the other, and to allow your your loved ones to properly grieve your physical departure. That is a rough, rough thing to deal with. And and what that ends up causing, man, is that you you get these feelings of anger. You're mad at this person. You can't talk to this person because they're not here, you can't you can't chastise them because they're not here and you're just angry.
00:09:33.754 --> 00:09:44.674
So where does that anger go? Where does that anger go? Well, that anger bleeds out onto other people or worse, you've internalized that anger and you end up getting high blood pressure.
00:09:44.975 --> 00:10:18.245
You cause yourself to be at a high risk for stroke and you start losing your hair. You just stress stress and it just it just kills you slowly. You get anxiety because now I gotta get this done. I gotta get this done. I gotta get this done, I gotta get this done. And you don't even have a starting point to how to get things done because half of the stuff you don't even know about. It just keeps coming up. It just keeps coming up day after day, week after week, month after month. It just keeps coming up. Now I'm angry.
00:10:18.625 --> 00:10:22.245
I've got anxiety and now I'm starting to resent you.
00:10:22.304 --> 00:11:18.110
Now you're not here. You know, as the deceased person, you're not here and it is a horrible thing. It is a horrible thing for you to leave grief on top of the grieving process that causes your loved ones to resent you in your absence. It is a horrible it is a horrible commentary. It is a sad commentary for individuals who love you. You made an impact in their lives. To go through all this because you wouldn't be responsible or accountable for your your debts, your your life. You would not be responsible or accountable and now your loved ones resent you. And they're not they're not they're not going to be able to grieve properly. Because there's so much stuff added to the grieving process by your inactions.
00:11:19.129 --> 00:11:41.240
And I know this is hard. This is hard to hear. Nobody likes to talk about death. Nobody likes to talk about death. But can I can I share something with you? You can't live properly until you're ready to depart. And that means having your wheel together. That means having an insurance policy. Say, if you got a house that's worth $250,000, you you should not have an insurance policy that's less than that much.
00:11:42.914 --> 00:12:00.705
And if you got debts, well, you should add the total sum of debts to that insurance policy so that your family ain't got to go out here and buy fry fish and cook chicken and have cookouts just to take care of your debt, your responsibilities.
00:12:02.605 --> 00:12:28.710
That ain't right. And for so long in my community, I can't speak to nobody else's community because I'm not a part of anybody else's community, but in my community, for so long this has been the status quo and then and then we're not even talking about, you know, the strain that it caused between the family members who are left because, heck, man.
00:12:28.929 --> 00:12:39.715
We all got them in our family. I didn't make that debt. I ain't contributing nothing to it. You know, we get we we all got family members like that and they're not wrong. They're not wrong.
00:12:40.198 --> 00:13:23.495
No. You would like for them to help but they're not obligated to do that. And then, when you got fallen out And now, the family is separated because of the grief associated with the grieving process by your inactions, by your by your unwillingness to be accountable. That is a man, that is a that is a rough spot to be in. That is a rough, rough spot to be in. So how do you deal with it? How do you deal with it? How do you deal with having? How do you have how do you deal with having that that that kind of grief on your shoulders? How do you deal with it?
00:13:24.455 --> 00:14:00.445
Do you internalize it? Do you, you know, do you just, you know, just like the good soldier, you continue to push forward, push forward, push forward, and and try to try to do it on your own, or do you you ask for help, You start a GoFundMe. You know, all this stuff, man. How do you how do you deal with it? Did you pray and just hope that God fixes it? Do you do you do you speak to family and say, look man, we gotta do something. And and and do you guys come together? You know, I submit that there's a combination of all those things that happen.
00:14:01.144 --> 00:14:22.559
But what we don't do is we don't talk about it. What we don't do is share our experiences with others before they get to that point and give them an opportunity to know that, hey, man. I don't want to have to deal with the grief on top of having to grieve for you. Do what you gotta do to make sure that we'll do what you want us to do.
00:14:22.860 --> 00:14:49.264
You understand? I shouldn't have to I shouldn't have to, you know, come out of my to to to adjust my budget to try to keep something that's tangible to to to remember you by. You know, I shouldn't have to come out of my budget. I shouldn't have to I shouldn't have to take on a financial debt so I can have something that is that was tangible of yours so that I can remember you by. I shouldn't have to do that.
00:14:49.264 --> 00:15:00.350
You should have already made preparations to cover all of that prior to your departure. And, let's face it, man. The younger you are, the cheaper the insurance is. So, that's no excuse.
00:15:01.448 --> 00:15:31.809
Okay. If you're sick and you've got, you've got pre existing conditions, well, there's something called the Affordable Care Act that a lot of people qualify for, but but don't even take the initiative to see what's available. And you just live your life as if there are no consequences, there are no repercussions, there's there's no one who's going to be affected by you being irresponsible. And that's sad.
00:15:34.028 --> 00:16:19.625
That is sad. That is not only sad, it's selfish. Let's just let's call it what it is. It's selfish. It's selfish for you to just live as if, you know, you've got you've got the eternity. You've got until the earth ceases to be to be on this place and that what you do only affects you. That's not true. That's not true and you know that not to be true. Yet and still, you refuse to be accountable, to be responsible, to lessen the burden on your family members. And then, you know, you you you have some people who go to the church, you know.
00:16:20.485 --> 00:16:22.424
You know, this, this, that, and the other.
00:16:24.450 --> 00:16:56.899
Bobby Joe, he didn't have no life insurance. Bobby Joe didn't have no burial insurance. We don't even know, how long this is gonna happen and and this. How how we gonna do this? The same church that many of us ridicule and and and say all kind of nasty things about is where we end up going to try to lessen this grief that's left upon us when all that could have been avoided had the individual just been what? Say it with me.
00:16:57.360 --> 00:17:00.179
Responsible and accountable.
00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:23.875
Listen, guys. I'm not telling you something that I don't know. I've experienced this. And it is enough to make you just wanna scream and and holler. But what I found out is that, you know, internalizing this stuff is not good for you. It makes you sick. It it it makes you at high risk for health conditions.
00:17:25.295 --> 00:17:43.815
And I I understand why we don't wanna talk about this stuff. I understand why we don't wanna have these conversations public because it it puts the deceased in a dead in a bad light. It puts them in a bad light. It it it's somehow some way we believe that this tarnishes their reputation.
00:17:44.914 --> 00:18:03.615
That's that's pretty much what it is, you know. We don't wanna speak ill of a person who's not here to defend themselves. Well, they had a whole lifetime to keep us from having those conversations. And this is something that has been going on since I've been alive.
00:18:03.914 --> 00:18:18.295
I've been alive since the seventies. I ain't gonna tell y'all 70 what, but I've been alive since the seventies. And I've seen this happen over and over and over and over again. And people will say, hey. If you need me, call me.
00:18:18.434 --> 00:19:03.200
Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Because after they put your body into that ground the phone stops ringing. The phone stops ringing. The text messages stop coming. You know, the only people calling you are those creditors. The only people calling you are the people who want their money and the people who are trying to take what this person, you know, lived to build away from those who are supposed to have this inheritance. And let's just face it, many of us don't have access resources at our disposal, at our fingertips. We don't have it. They didn't have it before they transitioned.
00:19:03.420 --> 00:20:02.615
So why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you as a sound mind, intelligent individual, go ahead and prepare for the inevitability of death. I just don't understand why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you prepare for the inevitability of death? Because it's coming. It will show up and you don't want your people, your loved ones to be out here stressed, angry, anxious to the point that they develop resentment towards you as the deceased. So what's the what's what's what's the solution man? You didn't told us what what it is. You didn't told us what's the cause. What's the solution? Easy. It's a easy solution.
00:20:02.835 --> 00:20:05.769
Everybody can do it. Be responsible.
00:20:07.190 --> 00:20:10.410
Be accountable. Get some insurance.
00:20:12.309 --> 00:20:19.555
Get some insurance. Name your beneficiaries and keep it updated.
00:20:20.015 --> 00:20:34.714
Get a will, a completed will, a will that's filed, a trust that's filed. Do that. Do that. Those two things right there will alleviate much of the grief. Insurance, a will, and or trust.
00:20:35.015 --> 00:20:53.224
Those two things right there those two things right there will eliminate much of the grief that's associated with the grieving process by irresponsible and unaccountable people when they were living. That's it. That's it.
00:20:54.005 --> 00:21:20.710
And that way, your loved ones can properly grieve. They can think about, you know, the good times. They can think about how do I reconcile not being able to physically speak, touch this person. They can they can they can properly grieve without all that other stuff that's added on top of that.
00:21:21.704 --> 00:21:28.960
The grieving process is the priority when you are accountable and you are responsible.
00:21:29.819 --> 00:22:30.734
I know this is a tough conversation. Man, I don't expect too many downloads. I don't expect too many comments about this, but this is to continue to walk around here irresponsibly, to continue to walk around here irresponsibly, living as if we know that there's a tomorrow, especially when we have children, when we have wives and husbands, when we have other loved ones, when we have real property. This will prevent a lot of the discord, a lot of the ill feelings, a lot of the fallen out potentials amongst family members, amongst peers. If you write it out in a wheel and in a trust and you have the insurance to cover all your debts and you leave specific instructions what is to happen with this, It's easy. It's easy.
00:22:32.154 --> 00:22:34.815
We can then grieve you.
00:22:35.839 --> 00:22:47.804
You, the entire person properly instead of having grief about the way you lived, which is irresponsible and unaccountable.
00:22:50.744 --> 00:23:45.279
This has been the in such a discourse podcast. You can see us on, Facebook, IG, TikTok, and YouTube. We encourage you to visit ww.edpshow.com to become a community member and to follow all things essential discourse podcast. I wanna thank you, for your continued support. Hopefully, this was enlightening. This was confrontational. This was inspiring, to those of us who have heard this. Hopefully, those of us who have gone through this type of ordeal, you know that you're not alone. And hopefully, we will be bold enough and courageous enough to have these conversations with our family members, with those who we love.
00:23:45.420 --> 00:24:08.355
And if we have not gotten our wheels together, we had not made sure that the insurance is adequate and that we have the proper beneficiaries on these policies identified, hopefully, we've been inspired inspired to do those things today. Again, I'm Bruce Smith. I thank you for listening to the Essential Discourse Podcast. Man, I love you.
00:24:08.673 --> 00:24:11.255
God loves you more. Have a great day.
00:24:12.755 --> 00:24:40.940
This concludes this episode of Essential Discourse with Bruce Smith. We hope that your perspective has been elevated, that you have been edified, equipped and encouraged as a result of listening today. If you found value in this episode, please recommend this podcast to your friends, families, associates, and colleagues. You can accomplish this by linking the podcast or podcast episode to your personal social media page. Your feedback and questions are welcomed.
00:24:41.240 --> 00:24:51.819
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00:24:52.599 --> 00:25:00.134
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00:25:00.595 --> 00:25:06.829
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00:25:10.170 --> 00:25:28.589
Until next time. Remember, it's okay to extend yourself a measure of grace. We learn to grow. We grow to mature. We mature to be perfected. Thanks again for listening to Essential Discourse with Bruce Smith.
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